Saturday, August 13, 2011

My Way Or The Thai Way

"i am an agent of chaos. go and spread a little anarchy."
-the joker

it is bangkok. it is hot. i am wide awake in my guest house at six in the morning swigging on a bottle of whiskey i had purchased last night. four hours ago some thai girl beat me in the head with a wooden umbrella because i rejected her advances. i oafishly sweep down the stairs to the family who maintain my lodging and pull on sandals while trying to not look hungover. i am on my way to buy chicken satay and chocolate milk for breakfast. the matron of the house thinks that i am ridiculous. her children are into hip-hop and one drunken night (they all were) i introduced them to the 3-6 mafia and we stayed up late watching eminem videos. i sit on the free computer at the israeli place for a half hour talking to my girlfriend. maybe today i will go to the mall and walk around. ladyboys roam the streets here at night and slash people with scalpels for money. i met a british man here on my first night who had been slashed four times. his thai wife has his child and she is addicted to methamphetamine. he breaks glass in public and screams at her. i drink another chocolate milk and eat dog for lunch before meeting up with the off duty police, random local riff-raff and career criminals that i hang out with at our favorite open-air bar, popiang. a man tries to fight me because he is a loud american tourist and does not like me because of the way i look. he is from rhode island and hanging out with a hooker who sent a young kid to thai jail for not buying her drinks or supplying her with his cigarettes. he will be locked up for at least 6 months because she knew that he had marijuana in his room. her john that night landed chest-first on his bottle of whiskey that he had been drinking as he stumbled from his seat to fight me. there was blood everywhere. the hooker stole his wallet and ran. i stood laughing and went somewhere else. now i am waking up fingering the mechanical wheels of a child's toy replicating a moto-taxi and thinking of travel north. to which, i do. i did travel to nong khai. i traveled with an irishman who couldn't drink korean rice whiskey and puked all over our train seats. he got us kicked out of our guest house because he was too loud and would bring bar girls home. i awoke to see him fucking some total dog one night. put in the headphones, go to sleep. he had an awesome girlfrien in bangkok but he settled for whatever came along. i got fucked up with her and a bunch of thais and passed out on the floor because it was too far to walk home. i stole a police officer's badge and almost got arrested. i escaped a strip club by the skin of my teeth. i was stopped by the police for looking like a gang member 3 times. i saw a kickboxing fight at the end of my street. i can die happy.

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